I had to take a little break from the blog for a little while because Life got quite busy. I recently just went on vacation and then moved to an entirely different state, in an entirely different part of the country. Detroit, Michigan! We are finally settled in a bit and back to writing!
Within the last 9 months I have done A LOT of moving. I can’t seem to stay in one place and I’m finding it to be less and less difficult to move around. True everything gets easier with experience but I’m not entirely sure it is simply just that. The future has just seemed a lot less scary lately, and I think it has to do with putting more trust in myself and letting go. Reminding myself, HEY I DO GOT THIS. Everything is going to be okay, just like it always has been.
Since I left Oakland in October 2022, I have been through more than 15 airports worldwide, stayed in 4 countries, and have recently moved to 3 different states in hopes of planting some roots somewhere. The Universe has been playing its part and many of the things that have kept me flying by the seat of my pants have been out of my control. Maybe I am just starving for more experiences? Unsatisfied with the way life is going and hungry for more. Needless to say I am a bit exhausted and I am hoping this will be the last move for a while; really pushing for at least a year this time.
DO PLANS EVEN MATTER?!
I had recently just moved from Las Vegas, Nevada and though my residency there was a brief 4 months, I certainly learned quite a bit about life in the desert and the consequences of one’s actions. To be fair to myself, the plan was never supposed to be Vegas. Nor was it supposed to be Detroit. Originally, 6 months ago I had come back to America from Thailand with revived dreams and a solid plan of working as a Chef for a bougie hotel group in a mountain resort in Utah; but even that wasn’t the plan either. Beginning January 2023 I started the year planning on bartending on this little island named Koh Phangan for a Full Moon Festival Hostel. Where I had been for over a month living a relaxing island life. Sometimes I wonder if I should have ever left.
As I sit here writing this, I realize my life sounds like one very messy adventure…and I realize also that is quite alright. Before I became hungry for everything life had to offer, I used to hate the instability of my life. Stability and family were the only two things I had EVER truly wanted to be honest, and I begrudgingly felt like I’d never actually had. So I began to drift, lost in an ocean of longing. Floating from one place to the next. Trying to gather myself like puzzle pieces scattered across the world. Slowly putting together a picture of my life I’ve never seen. Every place I’m finding a different part of myself I always felt existed but never truly found until recently. Each time ending up with less stuff but more perspective.
Thinking back, I used to always be very emotionally attached to my things. None of which were ever worth any real monetary value. The real value lied in their nostalgia and the emotions attached to the memories they contained within them. I’d lug the smallest of trinkets around for years convinced of their utmost importance. Over recent months I’ve had to learn to take the Buddhist approach and learn to let shit go. Halfway through my 4 month tour of Asia while I was bartending in Thailand, my phone had broken, my laptop was on the fritz, and the ATM had just swallowed my only bank card. I had just gotten a really tricky lesson from The Universe. The 2 things I was most attached to in life at the time had removed their existence from my life and I couldn’t do a damn thing about it. Not having GPS or a way to translate or communicate in your own country is difficult but try going without these in a foreign country.
12/10 I DO NOT RECOMMEND. The biggest advice I have to give about travelling internationally is DO NOT LOSE YOUR PHONE OR WALLET, EVEN WORSE BOTH. This was the bane of my existence and the hardest part of my travels through Asia. It also made me very self reliant and incredibly resourceful. I discovered how reliant we as a society are on technology but also that I didn’t really need to be on my phone all the time and to just enjoy the moment. Being present was so much more rewarding than the social media updates I would have normally been obsessing over. My only regret was not being able to capture the photos I wanted to share with everyone.
All of this led me to wonder, how much do we actually need? Why keep getting more stuff just to keep getting rid of it? Wouldn’t I rather have amazing memories take up space instead of things I’ll eventually lose? So here we are sailing through life. Collecting pieces of myself and building my story, searching for all the things that make us hungry & humble.