When I was young I had always dreamed of traveling across the ocean to distant countries. I honestly think I watched “James and the Giant Peach” a few too many times. Flying a giant peach operated by seagulls, manned by friendly creatures would definitely be my preferred choice of travel to anywhere, still. But we just have airplanes!
I don’t want this particular blog post to be too long, because this story has so many parts and so much to it, so I will be breaking it down into more digestible parts. But the main focus of this post is to face those fears you have!
So many good lessons can be found in this iconic childhood classic!
Taking the leap
So what changed my mind and got me to face my fears? I was broken. Life had broken all of me in so many different ways that summer. Mentally, physically, and emotionally drained. It was a really rough Summer. If we’re gonna be real honest, the worst 3 years of my life outside of middle school. A month earlier, I had nearly died in a gang related shooting on the block in East Oakland. Ended up getting fired over the incident 2 days later. A few weeks after that, I ended a very short lived but wildly toxic relationship that was severely affecting my mental well-being. I had also just moved out of my apartment after a week long series of even more poor life choices. My heart was in pieces. I couldn’t function due to PTSD from the shooting, and I wasn’t eating or sleeping due to the stress of it all. I was spiraling out of control and watching myself do it. My weight was dropping fast and I was at about 83 lbs. My friends said I looked like a sad little skeleton running around. My soul was dying and I didn’t have any idea on how to fix it.
Here is a picture of my hood homie, Q and I, deep in my self destruction. Sometimes we think we are doing alright when in reality we are actually drowning. Struggling to find purpose in just being here. Filling ourselves and the void within with toxicity
Then I got a phone call from my very good friend Barsha Karmacharya. She called to let me know she was in Nepal shooting new music videos and recording her new songs. A little backstory, Barsha and I met 7 years ago at Gay Pride festival in SF by random chance, and I was the first friend she had made moving to the US. Nearly 8 years later she is a very famous singer well loved by the Nepali people. Mainly she called me because she was concerned. She wanted to invite me to come stay with her in Nepal for a while and experience a different change of pace. She said to me, “your life in The States has been too crazy and I think you need someone to take care of you, treat you well, and love you back to health. I worry about you and I’d like for you to come and meet my family. We will take care of you! All you need to worry about is getting a plane ticket” I couldn’t believe it. Barsha and I had talked for years about going to Nepal together, I just couldn’t take the time off of work ever. Originally the plan was to fly back home to Colorado. I had a plan and a place to stay. I just needed to buy my ticket home.
Then late one night, after barely surviving the worst 3 months of my life, a week of deciding, and zero planning, I checked the airplane flights. First I looked up flights to Denver on short notice. The cost was $615 dollars to fly in two days without adding checked bags. Then I remembered Barsha’s Invitation. A one way ticket from San Francisco to Nepal was only $721 with 2 checked bags included. I decided to wait until Monday hits at midnight and then check again. I thought about this for maybe 10 minutes. I could either go back to Colorado and instantly drop another $700 on rent for the month OR I could fly to Nepal and not have to pay rent for a month. At 12:02 am, I refreshed the search and the price to Nepal had dropped nearly $200. I couldn’t believe my eyes. ONLY $500 TO FLY TO KATHMANDU IN 3 DAYS. I hit the purchase button as fast as humanly possible in case the offer vanished.
2 days later I was scrambling to figure out what to do with all of my stuff. I hadn’t planned any of this properly, but The Universe always provides the solutions to the things we were meant to do! My good friend Mike came to my rescue and helped drive me around to sell my belongings or donate them. When I moved out of my apartment, I literally opened my door and invited the hood in to take whatever they wanted. This worked out beautifully, since I wanted to give back to the community that welcomed me in and showed me love when I first arrived. After a very stressful and grueling process of trying to get my important stuff back from my ex-girlfriend, who was holding my valuables hostage, I was finally ready to leave 2 hours before my flight.
I felt like maybe I was losing my mind a little bit. WHO DOES THIS?! Several of my friends were extremely concerned about my decisions, but I didn’t have the capacity to indulge them and their disapproval. They had seen me spiral completely out of control over the summer. I was full of rage, sadness, trauma, and was starting to become unhinged. I had to do something about this. I was terrified I was not going to be a functioning member of society. The only answer I could provide them with was that I didn’t like who I was becoming and I needed to fix myself. I had always said, the next time my heart gets broken I’m running off to Asia to go pray in the mountains in isolation. It was time to put my money where my mouth is.
I was nervous as all hell but deep down in my soul I knew I needed to do this. Every fiber of my being needed to escape my current life and find some meaning as to why the Universe spared my life. It seemed as if all the traumatic events that led up to this life decision were artfully planned by some orchestra conductor. The real show was about to begin.
THE WORLD IS WAITING FOR YOU…
Sometimes you have to escape To SURVIVE And that is okay!
At the airport, I checked my bags in and my airline, Cathay Pacific took it upon themselves to take my carry-on luggage and check it in as well. This would be the biggest blessing in disguise, since I accidentally had some cannabis in one of my pockets in my carry-on luggage. My first flight was to Hong Kong. I am certain I would still be in a Chinese prison right now if my airline hadn’t decided this for me. 14 hours later I landed in Hong Kong on the biggest adventure of my life. This adventure would ultimately lead me to creating this website and pushing forth my life motto of staying Hungry & Humble a place where everybody eats!
Facing my fears and doing better for myself and others didn’t have to come with so much trauma. Don’t wait for Life and The Universe to make decisions for you. Those lessons often come real hard when we aren’t paying attention to the small nudges. There were so many red flags I ignored that were screaming in my face. I was so wrapped up in my desires, ego, and my pride to notice I was pushing the self-destruct button over and over again. It was like being the drunk driver in an accident just watching it all happen and not being able to stop it. It was a real big realization and an even bigger lesson. As hard as these lessons may be, they are the best lessons we NEED to learn to be better and do better.
If this sounds familiar, I just want you to know you CAN take your control back. 100% and no, it won’t necessarily require you to run off to Asia for a few months. You just need to want something different and BELIEVE full-heartedly that you deserve it.
“Shoot your shot. YOu DESERVE happiness”
Here is a picture of me 3 months into my journey of self discovery. As you can see there is a HUGE difference from the last two pictures! I’m obviously looking so much healthier and happier. So please take the jump even if it terrifies you. Go after that new career path you always wanted. Go and see the world even if you are alone, you’ll meet so many people you’ll forget you even left by yourself. None of us truly know what we are capable of until we either try or are forced to. SO GIVE IT A TRY! I promise you only good things will come. As always friends please stay Hungry & Humble.